Monthly Archives: December 2016

When Mice Attack by Mike Baron

WHEN MICE ATTACK

Mice are invading our kitchen. When Old Bob was around, this never happened. Old Bob would catch those mice and kill them. New Bob has no such skills. New Bob is primarily interested in barking, playing, tracking mud into the living room, and modeling different hats. Of Mack, the ostensible Boston pug/terrier mix, the less said the better. She is worthless! She is the Loudest Dog That Ever Lived!

As soon as the weather turned cold, the first mouse crept into the house. Ann alerted me when she saw mouse turds on the counter. I thought they were caraway seeds. I set two traps baited with peanut butter. This was an especially cunning and ruthless mouse, and when I checked in the morning, it had successfully consumed the peanut butter without setting off the traps. I reloaded the traps with lutefisk and the following morning, the miscreant lay with its neck snapped. Good! Finito! Done!

The following day, more mouse turds, including in the silverware drawer. Ann put everything through the dishwasher and I set more traps. The mouse eluded us for two more days but then one morning I went downstairs and there it lay in a pool of its own blood. I removed the corpus delicti, disinfected the counter, and lectured the dogs.

Now we are plagued by a new mouse, a super mouse, an ubermaus, if you will. The traps are set, the video cameras are rolling. Christmas Eve we are watching Willard.